41 days to go: The Last Straw II

At what point does one give up on a dream?

When should one stop doing the work that is ones calling in life?

I started to answer these questions in my previous blog, but didn’t get very far.

In fact, it brought up other questions:

How long does one pursue something that causes pain & suffering to others?

I first came to Puerto Rico in October of 2007. Even before that, I had a dream of living a life rich in purpose, helping others and making the world a better place. Although I have been involved in the healing arts for most of my adult life, my previous career in Information Technology left me unfulfilled and unhappy. It paid me a steady salary that provided some stability, but not quite enough to ever get ahead. My soul was drowning.

Blessings came with a layoff. Then the search for a new direction. That’s when I was called to Puerto Rico. I was not planning to come here. I didn’t know enough to have much interest or desire to come. Sure, I love the Caribbean. Who doesn’t? But it was not something that I had planned in advance. A last minute opportunity opened up a door for me and I found myself on an island in the tropics instead of Sedona, Arizona, where I had planned a personal Vision Quest. I was seeking a new path for my life.

It was not part of my plans, but it seems that there is a greater plan for me to be on this “Enchanted Isle”. Everything began to open up for me here. Not that it was effortless, but everything just kept falling into place, without trying too hard to figure it out. I began presenting workshops and tropical retreats on massage and Tantra, things I have been working with for decades. My massage and healing work blossomed here, thanks to the kind and generous people who embraced me and the work I do.

In the past 5 years I’ve visited more than 20 times. Each trip has it’s own magic and beauty, as well as its own challenges. The amazing thing is how each and every time I came to this island, my experiences were more beautiful, more powerful and more profound than the last. It just kept getting better.

On the financial front, however, it is more of a roller coaster. I regularly experience a certain measure of abundance, such as a full workshop or a class with over 100 people. It feels as if momentum is building, but then the next trip is a struggle again, just to break even. Every trip has held the possibility of breaking through to the next level, where the word will get out to enough people, and I won’t need to scratch and struggle so much. It has been so close, so many times, but until now, it hasn’t materialized.

There have been a few times where I was frustrated to the point of questioning my path. “Is this really the path I’m supposed to be on, and what God wants me to be doing with my life? Every single time I’ve felt that way, almost immediately I receive some sort of Divine confirmations. Some type of beautiful, extraordinary miracle happens to me that is clearly a sign from God saying “YES, you are on your path, doing your most important work with all of my love & blessings to support you”.

And so I persevere, trusting in God and my path. Finding the blessings in the struggle.

My work (& heart) has been honed and polished by the years of practice, patience and perseverance. My Ego has been kept in check. I have learned and grown so much in these past 5 years. I feel stronger and more in harmony with myself, my world and my Creator.

But the tests continue to come. Strong and fast.

Tests that make me question my path and direction once again.

To be continued…

1 Thought.

  1. I wish I felt more like this is what I am supposed to be doing in my life. In fact, I too wanted to get to Sedona, AZ….I plan on moving to Arizona, not sure IF I will be able to live in Sedona. It’s all about finances for me, and I don’t have much. I am thankful that I am going to school and it is being funded for me through the government because of the trade act, however…..I keep questioning myself too. Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Or am I just letting my life be controlled by circumstances outside of me. Either way, I can’t just take off and do what I want, so basically I feel stuck where I am. Not ungrateful, just stuck and I want so much more to feel out of life than what it is I am feeling right now. I need to get away and start over in a brand new place, with no one demanding anything from me and a distancing of family, which seems awful in a way. It’s not that I don’t love my kids, but I just need to get away from everyone else and their problems and only have to worry or think about mine. I really feel that I need the different atmosphere too, completely different scenery than what it is here. And sometimes, I just feel that I am running out of time. Sorry this wasn’t very upbeat, but your post made me think about my life and where I am at. I’m glad you found your peace and happy place.

    Susan Bevry
    from Kenosha, WI

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