87 days to go: Tantric Relationship

Ever since I learned of it, over 12 years ago, I dreamt of a “Tantric Relationship”.

Sounds hot, doesn’t it?

If you know nothing about Tantra, you know it has something to do with sex or sexual energy. Probably wild, exotic and lasting a looong time.

That’s the reputation of Tantra. In fact, it is true that Tantra is one of the few spiritual teachings in the world that does not condemn sexuality as a negative force, or at least something to overcome if you want to be spiritual.

Traditional religion views sexuality as a base animal instinct. Part of our “lower” self that needs to be subjugated or transcended if we want to be close to God.

Tantra teaches that our sexuality is a great gift from God that is beautiful and sacred. Moreover, we can use that gift to learn, grow and become more spiritual. Our sexuality can actually bring us closer to God.

For all of the beautiful teachings on sacred sexuality, it turns out that it is only a very small part of what Tantra is really about.

Tantra is a vast spiritual teaching, philosophy and practice that puts just as much emphasis on celibacy (bramhacharya) as it does on sexuality. It’s just a different path. But of course no one is interested in hearing about celibacy.

The ultimate goal of Tantra is the same as all religions and spiritual teachings around the world: Divine Union. Becoming one with Creator and creation. Tantra happens to contain a practical system for attaining this goal, and further, it encourages the individual to strive to reach their highest human potential while also giving us the tools to be able reach that supreme state of fulfillment.


One of those tools is indeed sacred sexuality. Another is being in relationship with another human being.

Tantra also teaches that love is the essence of all things, and that the only true source of love that can ever fully satisfy us comes from Creator.

We learn about love from other people, but they can never give us everything we need. That is why so many marriages and relationships fail. The people are looking to each other as their main source of love. This is destined to fail.

Human beings were created with a basic need for love. We have a space within us that requires love to be truly happy and fulfilled. There is only one source that is powerful enough to fill that need, and it is not another person.

So the foundation of a “Tantric Relationship” is two people turning first to their Creator as their primary source for love.

Then they turn to each other with their hearts full and all of their needs already met. With open hearts, they are free to love each other fully without having to worry about getting enough love from them.

Another premise of a “TR” is that both people are committed to spiritual growth and reaching their highest potential in life, and supporting their partner to do the same.

Some interpretations (and practices) of Tantra espouse “free love” and polyamory.  This is not my understanding or practice. Another form of  bramhacharya, besides actual celibacy, is faithfulness in monogamy. When two people grow together in love and tust, the safety and intimacy that occurs can propel us to higher heights of spiritual peace and bliss.

When you have this kind of solid foundation of Divine love, human love, commitment to each other and spiritual growth, that is a very special thing, by itself. But then, when you add the Tantric practices of sacred sexuality, look out! That is spiritual/sexual alchemy of the highest order.

Of course, it’s not always so easy to reach this state. It’s hard enough to just find another person that you can get along with. Even if you do find a person who is compatible and shares an interest and desire for such a relationship, the path can be difficult and rocky. To attain the heights of spiritual bliss, one must first heal the deep wounds of the heart. This is a challenge and a commitment of it’s own, and one that relationships are particularly good for. Many souls cannot deal with the level of fear and discomfort that can arise on such an intense healing path. But if you can, the rewards are immeasurable.

For all these years, I’ve been dreaming of an opportunity to love and grow together like this, but my passion and desire had never been shared by any of my partners.

Until now.

Those of you who know my story, know of my magical journey to Puerto Rico. This enchanted island has drawn me to her shores and given me so much. Now she’s given me one of her own. A daughter of the earth whose love and passion for the Divine matches my own. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a real chance to achieve what most only dream of.

But the most beautiful part of it is that the magnificent dream of a Tantric Relationship is only a small part of what is really possible here. That is to reach our own potentials, to fulfill our destinies. To play our parts in this great global transformation that is occurring right now, before our eyes, and to be of service to the Earth and Humanity.

For that, I am eternally grateful to my beloved Creator and my true love, Marién.

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